


In Your Last Breath, I Hope You Remembered That I Love You

by Kimtheintrovert



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, I Just Have a Lot of Feels, I'm not over Chloe's death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 09:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11756433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimtheintrovert/pseuds/Kimtheintrovert
Summary: You knew at that moment, that despite what everyone thinks, despite people calling you a monster, you knew that I will always be by your side.





	In Your Last Breath, I Hope You Remembered That I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is for Mikannie week! I'm gonna post the other days but I wanted to do this first haha anyway enjoy!

Life is most definitely strange. It all leads down to a series of choices, choices in which that has consequences afterwards. Everything always has a price and yeah people say that when the sun goes down it will come up the next day but I don’t think people really know what that means. Darkness and the light are always constructed together in some ways. The good and the bad, black and white, this is how the world is perceive. You have two choices on how to live your life and if you lean in to the wrong kind, the world suddenly becomes your enemy.

You would know about enemies would you, Annie? You’ve lived your whole life making the world your enemy, or was it the world that made you their enemy? You’ve always fought through it, God you always fought back. You were like a thunder storm hitting on forest trees, burning everything around you and when you were done with the flames, ashes covered the ground and your piercing, blue eyes, shivered the world. You didn’t give a shit about anyone, you didn’t give a shit for the things they did to you, but you do. I know you do, Annie. Maybe that’s how I fell for you, with your bored expression and huge, blue eyes. 

I didn’t fall for you at first sight, nor did I fall for you when we were out trying to piece together what happened to the world. You were an old friend and I was probably just a background character to you then as you strolled on through life without me for a while. The way you acted around me then, I wouldn’t be surprised that you hated me at the time. Is that how you feel? When you thought the world hated you. I’m going to be honest, you weren’t the easiest person to talk to, what with your snarkiness and the I-don’t-give-a-damn behavior, you were so infuriating but I wanted more, unlike how the world responded to who you were, I wanted you around. You smelled of cigarettes and a mild touch of weed at the tip of your tongue. Your whole right arm was covered in tattoos that people scrunch their nose to at first glance, the way you stand speaks volumes despite your lack of height. You were small but you acted like a Titan, stomping anyone that got in your way. You were so angry at everyone at how they treated you, at how life treated you. People kept telling you that no one would miss you when you’re gone and you shrug them off giving a clear message that you didn’t fucking care but I knew, Annie I knew you did, because there was a time in my life where I wandered away a little too much and I stumbled upon an old car dump sight. Readying my camera expecting some stories of old metal hinges and used up stirring wheels but I didn’t expect you, hidden in a shed with old bottles sprawled around and used up smoke around you, tiny sobs escaping your mouth like music sheets being played in hopes that people will hear you. You thought you were alone and you cried not because you were weak, God you weren’t and you knew that, you cried for yourself because you thought that no one else would.

You cried because you wanted the world to know that they owed you one with all the shit that happened to you. I wanted to know what each tears were for. I imagined it was because of how your mom left this world, how distraught you were when the day came that your mother’s heart beat stopped. I left you a little while after that tragic event. I didn’t mean to, I really didn’t and maybe I should have called you or wrote to you but that saddened face you had when I left broke something inside of me that I was afraid to talk to you, that lead me to think that maybe those tears were for me. I know they weren’t though because when we finally met with rage inside your eyes and a figure I barely recognize, you shouted all that the world did to you and all the people that left you. That list included me and your dad. I know it hurts you more inside but seeing you break a little fed the demons that resided within me. You loved your dad as equally as you loved your mom. When she died something inside you shifted and I felt my heart sank knowing I wasn’t there to keep those monsters in place. I could only imagine how they broke lose when you lost another loved one. That’s why you are you now and not that sweet, little girl I once knew. The one who didn’t have to resort to cigarettes because they needed something fill them up and probably that person who gave so much emotion that you shared it with everyone and they felt that warm sunshine. That’s not you now and I wish I could see her again but that’s how life works and no one knows how much effort it is for you to fight those monsters. I saw it, when you crouched down in your little hut, trying to let those monsters escape.

“You left me Mikasa! You don’t know what happened to me and you don’t know how lonely I was”

“….”

“My mom died, you left and those years that I thought I was fine with you leaving suddenly my dad left as well! I had no one MIkasa! I had no one.”

I couldn’t reply to you then and I still couldn’t reply to you now. You were fighting your monsters too long that people saw you as one as well; you even thought that you became the monsters you were fighting after. You started believing the words that people told you and you hid your tears away, showing to the world that they didn’t break you because you were already broken.  
After I saw you in that dumpsite, I swore with all the demons inside me as my witness that I was going to save you from drowning, even if it meant I have to use my own demons to do it. 

Time and time again, I failed you. I wish I could say that I did save you, because in some way I did, multiple times but that wasn’t enough. It seems that the world wanted you dead; even after how many times I saved you, the world would find ways to try and kill you again. Even with time in my hands, I still couldn’t save you.

It was unfair Annie. The world was so unfair to you. All you ever wanted was to save your friend, find her because when everyone left your life, you told me how she found you in your darkest hour. I wish I was her. I wish I was the one who found you in your darkest hour.

I was still happy though. I was happy that I got to spend time with you again, even if it was for fucked up reasons. When we sneaked into the pool and we just laughed all throughout that night. I was so happy to be there with you, I wish we could have lived that moment over and over again. I wish I could turn back time to that moment but turning back time was the reason all of this happened. Saving you was the reason all of this happened.

“Go back. It’s because of me that this happened. Let him kill me.”

I couldn’t do it. I stared at your eyes and even though you talked with such confidence your eyes spoke everything. You were as scared as I was. You were as angry at the world as I was.

“Mikasa, I love you. I really fucking do.”

It was the first time you said those words to me. You were so fucking stubborn to say it before but what you lacked for your words you showed in your actions. I couldn’t even say it back to you. God, I wish I did. 

“Please don’t you ever forget me. You’re the only one who will remember.”

I saw it Annie. In that moment, I saw why you were so afraid of being gone. You knew. You knew what would happen next and you knew I was the only one left to witness who you truly are. You knew that I was the only one left to have truly love you, to have truly believed in you, to have looked pass your monsters. You knew at that moment, that despite what everyone thinks, despite people calling you a monster, you knew that I will always be by your side.

As I sat in the farther side of the girl’s restroom, I heard your screams. This is where it all started.

“Nobody would miss you. You are alone in this world.”

After the gun shot was fired, everything was silent. I was so angry that those were the last words you heard before you died. I was so angry because I knew that that was what you told yourself before I came back.

  
You died thinking that no one loved you. You died being angry at the world.

  
I love you, Annie. I hope you remember that wherever you are.

  
I’m sorry for how the world treated you. I’m sorry for all the shit you had to go through. I’m sorry I left you. I’m sorry that your parents are gone and your friend that we tried to find. I’m sorry that you thought that no one loved you the moment that you died. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there. Please forgive me. I love you so fucking much.

**Author's Note:**

> This is also found in Tumblr! Talk to me I have no one to talk to about Mikannie.  
> https://kimmytheintrovert.tumblr.com/


End file.
